my girlfriend and i have been together about a year,we met on pogo, anyways she was going through a divorce and her ex left her house in basic shambles(he started to paint the exterior lime green and left it unfinished-amongst every thing else he didn’t finish around here) well i really liked her and being a skilled painter and tradesman i thought i’d repaint her 3,300 sq ft house it was a eyesore in a nice housing area(2 coats and caulking) for free. well i fell in love with her moved in and thought she was the one. she ended up giving her ex like 100,000 in the divorce plus a car,boat,stocks,motor cycle and all the crazy stuff he bought with her money(he didn’t work for 18 yrs-he was a house husband wink-wink) she has a good job. well she decided to sell this house but it needs a compete makeover from ceilings to floors,(i am currently not working because this house is full time work,and i wouldn’t have the energy needed to bring this place to value) i have painted 2,200 sq ft of the ceilings,finished 1 bedroom, pulled wall paper,skimmed out the walls 3 times and 2 coats of paint in the hall and huge stairway,stripped paint from doors and wood work her Genius ex thought would look good and sand,stain and varnish. i still have left a 580 sq ft br,2 other brs,3 bathrooms,lr,fam rm,kit,din rm,2 hallways and basement not to mention having to re trim the main floor.here is my problem she has 3 kids(17,15,13) w/ ex who have no chores or responsibilities they leave there crap whereever they want,leave there clothes in washer/dryer for days on end cant put there dishes in a dishwasher even,they open food and leave the wrappers whereever. the 17 yr old male doesn’t help with anything he thinks hes above helping in the house hes in 11th grade and thinks hes running the house and his mom lets him,oh he had a couple yr old car that his mom put 1500 into but he decided he needed something better so she got him a loan and he has a credit card from her w/10,0000 on it, he stays out til all hrs of the morning since hes been 16(no curfew) brings friends home all hrs and on many days shown up for school late and she doesn’t think anything of this behavior(this is a kid who wont mow the yard,shovel a small driveway or pick up his dogs poop when it goes inside which is daily,and he has to have his spot in the garage or hes frantic, the 15 yr old is on probation for truancy,has been caught shop lifting,vandalizing the local park,smoking,drinking,stole the car,has used pot and breaks into our bedroom,the 13 yr old recently moved in w/ the ex she was his way of keeping tabs on my girlfriend, she would act like she loved her mom so much then i’d hear her on the phone w/ex saying stuff about her mom i can’t even say here but in general shes evil,well my girl and i went camping/fishing yesterday my first time since i met her and she bought a used tent(goodwill) and it had the wrong parts so instead of trying to fix it i said lets go home, when i go fishing i dont want to have to fix stuff to,i’d like to fish(she could of bought a new tent) she didnt even take the time to plan a meal for 1 nite of camping,well we get home and she tells me im ungrateful and unappreciative,she hardly helped planning anything but had the time to make sure her kid had parking room in garage when we got back otherwise hed get mad if he had to park in the driveway,and it offends her when i bring up her kids messes around the house,they wont even shut off lights shut doors throw there garbage away,if they do pick there room up they toss the garbage in the hall and it sits there til i mention it to my girlfriend,then im the bad guy cuz there not used to having to pick up after there selfs,i feel i have a right to say something being im the one fixing up the place,my girl has bought me a 575.00 boat,16 yr old van,cigs and tools(which i use to fix her house up) she cooks 2 maybe 3 times aweek,leaves her socks,shoes and what ever else around,i make most my meals,do my own wash, and pick up the house after her and her kids and dogs,oh when i met her,her back yard looked like sanford and son so i built wood shed and cut and stacked wood,moved tons of rocks her ex left in yard and finished building a retaining wall,am i the one whos unappreciative and self centered like my girlfriend says? any input would be appreciated sorry this is long and grammars bad
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Ok first of all you sound like a really good catch sucker! Just kidding. Well you know dad left for a reason he probably felt walked over and above like you are beginning to feel like. You know even if they did not appreciate him or what ever he did around the house. Sounds like he picked up after mom and kids since he was not working and everyone in the house disrespected him for it and took advantage of it. You know you do have the right to give your op opinion on things but don’t bring it up so negative even though they did not appreciated dad much they are all still hurting inside and people react in different ways they don’t realize during a divorce. You should not due anything you don’t want to do for someone and never expect anything in return for what you do for someone do it out of your own heart and for you. The camping thing ya well that was messed up you two had to leave because you got upset but you know you should have checked out the tent before you left to see if you needed her to purchase a new one. The kids well if you address them all out in the open you will be walking into a pack of coyotes just take them out one on one and have a talk with them about what you see and how you feel. Be nice and slowly build a friendship with them if you want to and you might see some changes. But don’t get defensive or too bossy about the things you don’t like or want to change it is normal for a man to want to come in and say this is how it should be this is how it is going to be but really it seems like this family will go on with or without you so if you want any improvement I would suggest taking it slow giving everyone respect and let them know individually right from wrong reality from fiction. You know mom cant always provide for everyone.
Sounds personal.
Ugh. I think your right.
this is too long, come up with the main idea please:)
Cash in your chips and call it a loss buddy. You’ll get over it.
this is too long to read
damn fool, too much words
uhhhh…..ur the problem
next time plz summarize and it seems like shes using u for makin u do all this stuff for free O-o
any time you don’t like it, move out and get a real job and pay your own way in life… then you wont’ have anything to complain about.
i’m sure you know where the door is, you probably put it there!!! feel free to use it.
I know it’s easy to criticize from the sidelines, but I do have the benefit of a cold hard unemotional perspective. Where you seem to be thinking from the crotch area.
After reading all of your story, I can’t help but notice that you volunteered for everything you are putting up with right now.
The one question you need to be asking yourself is: WHY?
If after that you still decide that it is all worth it then yeah, it would seem to me that it’s you with the problem.
First of all……. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?? Was she really “All That” in order for you to NOT see what all really goes on in her life how she’s raised her kids? A huge tip off would have been the ex never having to work, and then the second tip off would have been to take a look around. Seeing how they live and how the kids are.
For starters, you cannot change people. And I have learned from my own experience, that when you go and start cleaning up, fixing and building for others, it always ends up bad. The house SHOULDN’T have been in that bad of shape to begin with.
If they can’t or won’t clean up behind themselves in the first place… they sure aren’t going to stop you, especially if they don’t have to pay you. They’ll keep you around as long as you’ll stay. They won’t run you off, even if they’re miserable.
Really, that isn’t love. That should say alot to you when she buys you “used” things and don’t bother to find out if your hungry or what you might like. But she sure is picky about her and her kids. That’s just wrong.
When your ready to get out, you will. But not until then, no matter what anyone tells you.
Well, I guess I’d have to ask you a few questions first.
1. Are you helping pay the bills there?
2, Do you have your own full time job?
3. Are you shall we say her boy Friday?
4. Is she basically supporting you?
5. Do you have children of your own, and did
you raise them? Raising teenagers today isn’t easy.
Not knowing the answers to the above questions, all I can tell you is if you don’t like the way things are, leave.
this is really long!
but that lady/family has a prblem how are u the self centered.if i was older and a dude i would leave her a make her pay for the things u fixed.i would never want to live there.my room gets messy but not like that. i know u like her but thats not right.
all ppl experience trouble in relationships…often, one person feels like they’re giving more to the relationship and deserve better….i would, in your situation, not go after the little things, trifles of carelessness and whatnot, i believe that only severe relationship problems like: true incapatibility, or cheating on one another are good reasons for separation, but the daily stuff…. debatable, you can push through that kind of stuff…
yeah just a bit long try and compress next time non the less i read the WHOLE thing and its seems to me that she is a unapprecitive selfish un-caring *&%@# so i think u should stop working for a week and let her see the house go to hell
im not doctor phil but there seems to be a problem between your girlfriend and you. Its so easy to put the blame on other people its insane, its so easy it ruins relationships.
My advice would be to sit down with your girlfriend and set priorities, is it finishing the house, letting her know how you feel about her kids, maybe see councelling maybe do a family outing to strengthen bonds? who knows, its up to you…
But all i know is that shutting up and not letting her know whats up in your mind will ruin the relationship, fast.
You have way more patience than i have, i would of left her long time ago.
She’s obviously being controlled by her kids. Do not think your ungrateful, you have done way more than you really needed to. She is the one ungrateful, all the work you have done and she says that to you.
In my opinion you will always be second best to her kids. If you can deal with that then stay with her, i doubt things will change any time soon. If it was me, i would of left and gone elsewhere.
I’m saying make her choose between you or her kids, but unless she puts her foot down and takes control of her kids, they will always come between you.
Hope you sort it out.
I truly feel for you, this is the plight of millions of house wives everywhere. I have 10 kids ranging from 20- 1 yr. kids are kids , they are messy and imperfect, just like adults. no one is perfect. however if the mother doesn’t correct them when they’re young it’s too late when they are teens and at this point there’s not a lot that can be done minus taking away privledges and if she works..chances are they’ll just do it anyway while she’s gone. I do however agree that children should have some responsibility, it prepares them for the real world, but it has to start early.As far as your gf ..if you chose to stay home and do that kind of work……then you made that choice..talk to her about it. I am a stay at home mom and i truly feel for you….i go through it everyday too, but there are two side to every argument….she has a job too, and sometimes the working parent is reluctant to discipline the children because they want the time they do have with them to be “good” time. My suggestion is to go back to work… let her hire someone for the remodle…and then you 2 can split the house work…..good luck